© Written and Edited May 8th, 2017 - 4:14 pm to 4:49 pm
Divorcing My Current Reality or I Already Had My Turn
One day, when I was about 8 or 9 years old, my mother and I were at country park in Greensboro. I don't remember much of that except for one thing. I remember going to the car and slamming the door in anger and maybe other feelings, confused, frustrated, sad.
I remember why I slammed the door. Slamming the car door was my reaction to my mother telling me that my parents were getting divorced. My world was ending. My foundation was falling.
Later, I learned that my parents agreed with each other that they would sit down with my sister and I and tell us the news with the 4 of us together.
Later, I was with my father and sister as my father told my sister that he and my mother were getting divorced. My sister cried and saw that I wasn't crying. She asked me, "why aren't you crying?" I said, "I already had my turn," as I was referring to my experience with my mother at the park.
At some point my father repeated that it wasn't my fault and that the divorce was between him and my mother. He told me that his relationship with my sister and I wouldn't change.
I remember my father talking with me but he might have also expressed those ideas to my sister too. My memory serves that he expressed those ideas a few times, but it might have been more than a few.
But the way that my father expressed the ideas that it wasn't my fault and the relationship change was about my parents and sister, were extremely helpful in my understanding and healing through my parents divorce.
I think that it's also interesting that my response to my sister was that I had my turn. That timing was about 4 to 6 years before I learned about Re evaluation Counseling theory which relates to crying as a healing process for expressing hurts.