Written and Edited - June 6th, 2017 - 10:05 am to 10:35 am
June 6th, 2017 - 12:01 pm to 12:11 pm
Edited - June 15th, 2017 - 5:04 pm to 5:24 pm
Help Wanted - Will You Hire Me?
At one point, when I was about 16 years old, I decided I was going to get a job so I started looking for one.
I don't remember some of the details of how I started thinking about getting a job and looking.
My father might have brought up the idea. His girlfriend said that she saw a help wanted sign at a local store (Food Rite) and told me where it was.
I don't remember the amount of time between my hearing about the help wanted sign and applying. But I agreed to stop by the store after school since the store was in walking distance of Grimsley.
So, one day I went to the store after school. I'm trying to remember how I was feeling but I don't remember. I think I was very nervous because it was my first attempt at a job. But I also think I had a degree of confidence that came from my father and his girlfriend.
If I remember correctly, I think I expressed some or a lot of self doubt about my abilities with a job. And they validated me in a quiet and strong way. I think it was a brief conversation or maybe a few. And the quality or impact of the conversation was strong.
As I remember I was extremely nervous. And as I got closer to the store, I got more and more nervous. My heart might have been beating fast and my stomach was turning so much it could churn butter.
And my mind went back and forth from I'll go in and apply to I won't, I'm too nervous, not worthy and I won't get the job.
But at one point I thought to myself, ok, I'll go in, apply and not get the job. But I'll take that as a learning experience as a reference for next time I apply for a job. Because I can learn from not getting the job just as I can learn from getting the job.
So, I walked into the store as a human form of nervous energy.
I think I asked for the manager either by asking a cashier or going to an office near the front door.
I introduced myself, something like my name and I'm here to apply for the job. The manager, Ernie was an older white man, I think in his 50's or 60's. I found him to be like a watch that was wound tight. Ernie just started into a monologue. I don't remember what he said or any details. The way I remember looking back is Ernie just talked to me as if I were working there already. But I don't remember any questions or negotiations about getting the job. Before I knew it I just started working.
And later when I knew that the store was hiring, I told a friend and schoolmate, Ed Phifer that we're hiring and he should apply for a job. Ed (a person of color) declined concisely and thoughtfully by saying something like, no thanks.
After reflecting on at least one situation, experience I had with Ernie at the store, I realized that I think I was hired immediately after meeting Ernie because he saw that I was white.
I'm sorry Ed, for all of the oppressive dynamics in the context of a dominant way of being over other ways of being. We need to continue to work towards reclaiming our complete humanity with ourselves and each other and a culture.