© March 21st, 2017 - 12:51 pm to 1:40 pm - Erika Skolnik and Tiffany. Usually, I probably wouldn't remember them at all. Except, something triggered my memory recently. While, I don't remember all of the details from my perspective, I do remember some. And I want to share as much as I can for our learning and healing.
At some point, I have vague memories of talking with Erika in person and on the phone. She said that Tiffany's mother had cancer or something. Erika, might have said that Tiffany's mother was dying. These were over a few conversations. I think that at one point, there was a phone call involved. I don't remember the details. But, around 1 time around the phone call, I got upset. My father asked me what was happening or could he help. But I told him that I couldn't talk about it. I think that Erika told me that Tiffany didn't want me to talk with anyone about it because it was a sensitive area or subject for her.
So, I told my father that he couldn't help me. Because in my mind, I was protecting Tiffany or at least not hurting her. The best way that I remember is that Erika said that Tiffany wanted me to hug her. I think that I was probably shy and very hesitant. But Erika finally convinced me. I think that it was probably through more than one conversation with Erika who got to me emotionally. She connected with my feelings of a reality that she was expressing and I was receiving about a classmate who was hurting and clarified a specific way that I could help ease her pain.
So, I found myself, I think that it was 8th grade class, reaching out console and support Tiffany with a hug. She rejected the hug with complete shock of what was happening. I think that I might have attempted one or two more times to offer support. But she and the teacher reacted at the same time. The teacher asked me what I was doing. I was caught off guard. But I told him that I was trying help a classmate who's mother was sick. I think that Tiffany said that her mother wasn't sick. I was confused. I didn't know what reality was objective and what was just mine.
The best that I remember is that at some point, it became more clear, that Erika and Tiffany were scamming or pranking me.
So, about 33 years after the experience, I was diagnosed with autism and non verbal learning disability. And, here I am reflecting on that experience about 35 years after the experience. That experience was about 3 years after a traumatic event with which I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder about 10 years after this experience with my classmates. I had also experienced other traumatic experiences from the time that I was born. So, I think that all of those experiences came together and effected me in this situation because I wasn't completely healed from all of my hurts. I'm glad that I'm able to understand more now than I did before. Hopefully , I'll continue to increase my understanding.
At times, one of my gifts can be having many different perspectives. However, I was so deep in my own mind, that I didn't have other people's perspectives. I think that the emotional aspects got so deep, that I had to process my deep feelings before I could process everything else.
Looking back, it would have been good to have a very strong confidant with whom I had a strong relationship and could talk to them about anything. My father tried but I wasn't able to express myself to him. I think that it would have been helpful if I shared the experience, my thoughts and feelings with someone. It would have helped to talk with someone who would listen and offer thoughts or words of wisdom. And then I would proceed in a more educated way, maybe from different perspectives, validating mine and learning Erika's and Tiffany's.
I don't think that Erika and Tiffany were particularly malicious. I don't think that they were aware of some of the consequences of what they were doing. I don't know what else was happening in their lives at the time and before.
The therapist who diagnosed me asked me about if I was ever bullied. I've recalled other experiences and add this one to the list.
There are so many moments in our lives. It's easy to get hurt and for hurt to be tossed around. But, it's just as easy for us to express our humanity and healing.
We just need to listen and be aware of people, our experiences, perspectives, needs, etc. Realize that people are good at our core being and Amy harm comes from hurt that hasn't been healed yet. Support the person and understand the hurt and help make a shift from hurt to healing.
So, at the time, I was thrown by this experience with Erika and Tiffany. I was very upset, hurt, and embarrassed. I think that some of my classmates laughed in the presence of my offering Tiffany a hug.
But, I hope that this descriptive note, sheds some light on different perspectives. And we can approach things in a way towards restorative justice for all of our healing. Whether you're the person directly or thinking about someone else's perspective, and there's probably more, but this might offer a starting point. There are many different people involved, father or parent, student or person being pranked, classmates doing the pranking, teacher and classmates present at embarrassing moment.
One thing that I've learned is that I can't change the past. But the best thing that I can do is to learn as much from past moments as I can to have better future moments.
So, here's to better future moments.