© Written and Edited - May 16th, 2017 - 9:41 am to 11:16 am
I Can't Even Give You Some Damn Ink
On February 3rd, 2015, there was a city council meeting to discuss using the word Massacre on the Greensboro Historical Marker. People came together to express their perspectives since there were many different ones.
As I remember, a lot of people spoke to advocate using the word Massacre, which was a more accurate reflection of events that happened from many people's perspectives.
One of the many advocates for using the word Massacre, was my mother. She came prepared with a thoughtful remarks. She brought her shortened remarks to the city council meeting. There was so much that she could have said, but shortened her remarks to come as close as she could to the time limit for speakers. She was able to shorten her remarks to about 5 minutes.
Before the meeting got started, she told me that she had prepared remarks that were about 5 minutes. She said that she was planning to ask for 5 minutes as widow's privilege. That was her first choice. But if the city council didn't approve 5 minutes and said that she had to keep it to the 3 minute rule, then she'd edit her remarks to meet the 3 minute rule.
So, my mother asked me for a pen or something to write with. I went in my pocket, ready to give her my pen to help her edit her remarks.
But when my hand didn't find my/the pen, I fished around one pocket and then another. I checked all of the pockets that I could think of and became more and more frantic that I couldn't find a pen to help her.
So, to no avail, I told my mother that I was sorry, but I couldn't find a pen to help her. I figured that after I couldn't find one, I just probably didn't bring one with me.
My mother was very forgiving and I think matching my logical understanding. My rational being, understood the situation in the big picture with many different perspectives. But my emotional and mental state and being, was extremely frustrated. And when I made it official by telling my mother that I couldn't help her, I told myself, I can't even help her with a little ink. Because while in the surface, I saw they were just words on a page or pages. But I felt a significance of a lived experience, love, loss, community, and a lot of thoughts and feelings that my mother probably had, for which I can only guess at and don't know all of the details.
Right after I told my mother that I was sorry but I didn't have a pen with me, she said that thats ok, and turned to a friend, Michael Roberto, who was sitting next to her and asked to borrow a pen from him. He obliged immediately, within a split second.
I think that part of me was sure that I had a pen even though I couldn't find one. So I continued looking while I saw my mother borrowing Michael's pen and editing her remarks.
I took things out of my pocket, one by one. My handkerchief, keys, etc. At one point, a pen fell on the floor.
And while I appreciated the validation that I was right. I did have a pen, I was frustrated that the timing was too late to help her. I can't even give her some Damn ink. My mother has done so much for me over the years in my life. And giving her a pen to help her express her thoughts seems like it's not much for me to loan her a pen. Especially, in the context that she was expressing herself as an individual and a community member. And I think that my mother's remarks were in some ways or details unique as everyone's is. But just as I think everyone's relationship is both unique in some aspects and shares some common dynamics in relation to the community as a whole. The marker is a legacy with our futures and relates to how stories are told. My mother's experience becoming a widow and losing some comrades physically, and the impact or effects that she and others have lived since then. Also, part of me felt like I needed to say something at the city council meeting. But as I've earned, we do what we can. And while I had a lot of thoughts and feelings, I just wasn't able to speak at the city council meeting. I wasn't at that place. So I wanted to do what I can.
So I saw my mother edit her remarks for plans A and B. Many people spoke at the podium. When my mother got up to speak, the first thing that she said was respectfully, she was requesting 5 minutes as widow's privilege.
Yvonne Johnson jumped in immediately and supported my mother's request and I think a few other council members agreed. So my mother was granted a little extra time for her remarks.
But, that was another good example of many in which my mother has been thoughtful with her expressions. And especially, given these dynamics, city council meeting, limited time, expression on Historical Marker.
I think that people can access this meeting on line. The city council meeting can be accessed by looking up the Greensboro city council meeting, February 3, 2015.
Thanks Yvonne Johnson for jumping in and giving support. And thanks to everyone else for your roles in our liberation journey. Thanks to Lewis Brandon who got the ball rolling with the marker and did significant things to make it happen. And those are many other stories.