Written and Edited - April 26th, 2017 - 9:04 a.m. to 9:35 a.m.
Edited - April 26th, 2017 - 10:11 am to 10:12 am
Edited - April 2th, 2017 - 12:46 pm to 12:52 pm
Edited - June 9th, 2017 - 2:48 pm to 3:12 pm and 4:46 pm to 5:54 pm
I Got Writing My Name Down to a Science Paper
I was in the 6th grade on November 3rd. And I immediately identified with Jim Waller very strongly. I wrote his last name on my science school papers within days of his murder.
I don't remember my science teacher Mr. Crawley ever saying anything one way or another. Which was actually a good response for me because it was just something that I need to do. And there wasn't anything wrong with it. It was one of the ways that I just needed to process what happened to Jim and some of my feelings. I also realized later that it was a way to be closer to Jim, to identify with him.
Later, maybe years and even decades later I made the connection that I think I only put Jim's last name on my science papers. Jim had a strong connection with science as a doctor. And I think he appreciated science and tried to share that feeling with me when he gave me a 150 in 1 electronic project kit. An electronics project with 150 experiments. The electronic project helps learn basic principles of electronics and electricity, physics and magnetism (paraphrased from a description on Amazon, 6/9/17 at 3:08 pm).
I don't know if Mr. Crawley was aware of my using a different name on my papers then my legal, biological name.
And if he was aware, I wonder what he was thinking.
And I didn't think about it that much at the time because I was focused on myself, my perspectives for many years.
But then after I think many years and maybe decades I thought about Mr. Crawley's perspective.
I wondered if he was aware at all. And if he was aware, what was he thinking? Was he very deliberate and just letting me be, thinking that was the best response?
About 10 years later, I was tutoring a student and I went to his school (Kiser).
I saw that Mr. Crawley was teaching at Kiser where I had also been a student in the 8th and 9th grades.
So I had my chance to talk to Mr. Crawley about my experience in his class.
I wondered what Mr. Crawley's perspective or experience was over the years.
But my wondering was mixed with anxiety or nerves to talk with him.
For some reason I was able to get my nerve up and talk with Mr. Crawley. I introduced myself to remind him that I was a former student of his. I clarified my perspective that I wrote my stepfather's name on my paper as a way to process my thoughts and feelings of his death at the time and my relationship with him.
I asked him for his honest perspective of his experience. I told him that I appreciated his response because I did what I needed to do without any interruptions. I wasn't treated harshly.
I think Mr. Crawley said that he wasn't aware of what I was doing.
During that period, it was helpful to write the name Waller on some of my school papers and be able to do what I needed to do.
But I think that at some level it wasn't enough. So at one point I wanted to change my name legally to Waller. But that's another story.