BWouldn't you like to know? Yes, I Wood - 3 Parts
Wood 1 of 3
Please Note -. I apologize to English teachers. This is very personal and I have to express it related to all of our liberation.
There are a lot of things that brought me to meet and talk with Roland Wayne Wood. For now, I focused on key and recent events. I found that there was so much, that I divided it into 3 sections - preparing to meet Wood more recently, on the road to the meeting and the meeting, and reflecting after the meeting. So in order to see the whole piece, please see all 3 parts.
Also, I numbered the paragraphs for easier access in my writing. But, it might also help the reader continue where you left off or find something that you're looking for. So, I left the numbers in.
Wouldn't you like to know? Yes I Wood or I Did Not See That Coming
- 1 of 4
Written and Edited - May 28th, 2017 - 12:51 pm to 1:18 pm
Edited - May 28th, 2017 - 2:46 pm to 3:19 pm
Written and Edited - May 29th, 2017- 10:34 am to 11:07 am
Written and Edited - May 29th, 2017 - 1:38 pm to
Written and Edited - May 29th, 2017 - 1:38 pm to about 10:30 pm
Written and Edited - May 30th, 2017 - 10:15 am to
A note about English teachers added - August 18th, 2017 - about 7:25 pm to 7:28 pm
Wouldn't you like to know? Yes I Wood or I Did Not See That Coming
Planning or preparing to talk with Wood
1. I'm reflecting on my journey, what seemed to have worked and what hasn't within certain moments of time. I want to be as helpful as I can. But it's up to others to factor these in with other parts of your own journey and do whatever works for you.
2. The universe has brought things together in many ways. So there a lot of things that brought me to meet with Wood. But right now I'm going to focus on getting ready for our direct meeting.
3. I think that my mother had already talked to Wood at this point. But she said there was a meeting that was planned with with Wood. I don't remember the exact details. It might have been that my mother said Nelson was organizing the meeting with him and my mother. And within a few seconds I said something like I want to go too. Can I go? And my mother said something like sure.
4. My relationship with Wood started on November 3rd and continued to this moment. Our lives have intersected from November 3rd until now, in different ways. My relationship with Wood was in different places at different points in my life from not knowing him at all and seeing him as a monster to writing and counseling about him to process my thoughts and feelings.
5. I wondered and wrote what would I do if I met him and talked with him? My expressions were very personal and visceral. But looking back I think I was tapping into the universe. I think the universe has me on a need to know basis and I can give other examples. At the times I felt things coming directly from me and my experience, journey. But looking back I connected with the universe and it was guiding me or helping me in the context of experiences connected in a universe.
6. I had several conflicted thoughts and feelings. I don't know why I thought about what would I say to him if I met him. It might have been something a co counselor said to me when I was a client. That sounds like something that a co counselor would say.
7. I remember I wanted to hit Wood, yell at him. You bastard, look what you've done. I wanted to hurt him and I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted him to see what he's done to me so he'd know. But I didn't want to show my vulnerability. I wanted to hug him and cry. I wanted to show my humanity and connect with his. At that point, it was helpful to express those thoughts in writing and counseling.
8. I was blessed to receive part of the Greensboro Truth and Reconciliation Commission (GTRC)
process. And as part of that experience and process and other aspects of my journey, as much as I hated Wood in the past, didn't really even know him at all except parts of it. I felt compelled to meet with him now when I had a chance.
9. He has unique puzzle pieces that would help me understand some things better and this will probably be my only chance to meet with him. Maybe the GTRC gave me a boost with energy and spirit as well as maybe helping Wood too as well as others.
10. The timing of the meeting, January 2006 was at the beginning of the semester, when most of my classmates had internships.
11. But I was actually one out of about half a dozen students who hadn't had an internship lined up yet. And our class size was about 36.
12. So I didn't have any conflict about talking with my professors about a schedule conflict between my meeting with Wood and the first day of an internship.
13. If the situation were different and I had an internship lined up, I'd like to think that I would have explained the situation and the professor's and supervisors, everyone involved would have understood. Especially, given the fact that the program was social work. And I would have hated to miss a first day, even for this reason. I imagine that starting my internship with that understanding of that meeting would give a mixed response. Some people might respond negatively, others positively, and some neutral.
14. I'm thankful that I wasn't put in that situation because I don't know what I would have done given my state of being.
15. So the meeting was scheduled for a time and place and I was fortunate to not have to worry about some of the details. I didn't realize it then but I realize it now that I was fortunate I didn't have to worry about some of the details like time and place. Because I was dealing with my own ways to process this experience.
16. I don't remember some of the details like how long it was from learning that I was going to talk with Wood to the actual time when Wood and I talked.
17. The plan was for my mother, Nelson and I to talk with Wood. It occurred to me then that it would be good to have some kind of video and/or other record of it for future processing for me and or others.
18. I have mixed feelings about video and other documenting because I think there are different factors or dynamics that come into Wood
depending on the relationship between people, experiences, perspectives, etc.
19. But I guess I felt a certain preciousness and fleeting aspect of this moment.
20. I wasn't verbally clear at a conscious level. But I think there was an aspect that I wanted to have the experience recorded.
21. So I told my mother something like it would be good if we could have it recorded but I didn't know any way to do that.
22. My my mother said she knows somebody so she would contact them to to try to help us out.
23. So she got somebody. I think a videographer professor who was skilled in videography and worked, taught at a and t. So, the video recording in the meeting was a combination of planned and improvised.
24. There had been a lot of thoughts and reflecting about that experience before the meeting. But there was
some planning and some improvising involved with this meeting. But it was all thoughtful.
25. But I didn't have an indefinite amount of time. I had a deadline, a time frame to prepare for the meeting which was non negotiable. But I think that was good. It seemed to work in my favor. Because if the time was too flexible, I might keep thinking about it and preparing and maybe feeling like I kept wanting to get it better.
26. But the time frame gave me a guide to work with. It provides a transition period for me to prepare this significant interaction. Because, I had a lot of thoughts and feelings which had been part of my journey for many years. And I wanted and needed to say my peace.
27. One of the things that my mother and I found ourselves doing was talking to a local rabbi about the upcoming meeting.
28. I don't remember a lot of details about how or why we got to the rabbi.
29. I'm thinking that I might have said something like it would bee nice to connect with a rabbi and/ or a spiritual place or something. And my mother agreed and set up a meeting with a local Rabbi and made it happen.
30. So my mother and I met with Rabbi Guttman at Temple Emanuel in Greensboro.
31. So my mother, the Rabbi and I sat around a table as we talked about the upcoming meeting.
32. I don't remember all of the details of that meeting and I think it lasted about 1/2 an hour or so.
33. I remember that Rabbi Guttman said that in Jewish tradition the only person that can truly forgive somebody is the person who was directly effected by a situation. And I think that I thought I see that perspective, but other people who are effected have certain rights too. So, somehow we talked forgiveness. I think that my mother and the rabbi led the conversation. And I mostly listened. But I might have chimed in a little bit as I was compelled to do so.
34. And at one point I found myself
having to gather my thoughts. I don't remember when it was in relationship to our meeting with the rabbi. But I think it was after that meeting.
35. I felt like this is probably the only chance that I'll have to talk with Wood. So I really need to gather my thoughts as best I can to talk with him, ask him tell him things asking him things etc.
36. At one point I started writing Wood a letter. I wrote something like, dear Roland Wayne Wood, and wrote a few sentences. But then I got stuck.
37. I remember thinking that I'm
going to write Wood a letter. I'm going to read it to him, and then I'm going to tell him I wrote a letter. I'm going to share it with you but you can't have it. It was in that childish tone if you can't have it was part of my thoughts about the letter. I think it might have been a control thing or something that Wood was in control of some things in my life and affected it so deeply and I was doing a small thing about controlling the letter and information in the letter.
38. But after writing a few sentences I just got stuck all of the sudden. I just sat there staring at my computer as I was trying to put words down to express my thoughts and feelings.
39. At one point during this process, I found myself putting on a Beatles CD that my ex fiance had burned for me in the past. She had burned 2 Beatles CDs for me. And I think I only listened to them once before. But I found myself listening to one or both of those CDs and hearing songs like, "all you need is love". I cranked the music up so loud, that it overwhelmed my thinking. The music was dominating my brain with a certain energy and love. I got absorbed or lost in the abyss of, " all we need is love" and other Beatles songs that carried a certain spirit.
40. So as I was listening to, "all you need is love" and Other Beatles songs, it occurred to me the goal isn't to write Wood a letter. I asked myself, "what's the goal? what's my goal?" I told myself that the goal is to say my peace and it doesn't matter how it comes out. So I just stopped thinking and just typed my stream of thinking. And it came out in bullet points and/or numbers. I just typed each thought that came to my mind. And it came out in pieces, parts, about a few sentences or main thoughts at a time.
41. I think it was around that time that I thought at some level the more I think the more I get stuck. And the stream of consciousness seemed to work, so I needed to keep doing that as long as it was working. Just write my thoughts and feelings. Whatever comes out comes out. Don't worry about anything at all. Don't worry about grammar or ideas or hurting feelings or anything. Just type whatever thoughts or feelings I have. Whatever words come to my mind.
42. So when I got to a point in which I felt like I had put together what I wanted to say, I read through it. I was nervous, anxious and excited. And I really wanted to meet Wood. I was scared and had a lot of mixed feelings. But more than anything I felt like I needed and wanted to talk with him.
43. So after reviewing my notes several times, I found myself talking them out loud. Reading my notes outloud, helped me think about and practice what I was going to say. And then at some point, I started practicing what I was going to say on an audio tape recorder.
44. When I started with the tape recorder, my initial conscious thought was another way to practice what I was saying. And I can play it back to help me practice. I could hear what I was saying and how I might have sounded. And hearing my notes would be another way to find thoughts and feelings that i had but didn't make note of. So I could add them.
45. But as I kept talking, I realized that there's another benefit to using a tape recorder. If I get too nervous at any point, from before I meet Wood to during meeting him, I can bring the recorder and either play it myself or ask someone else to play it. That way I could make sure that my peace is expressed.
46. And I have mixed feelings about practicing what I was saying and natural. On the one hand, I like for things to be as natural as possible. But given a situation where I have a lot of deep thoughts and feelings and limited time and space to communicate my peace, I want to make sure that I was able to get to as much of the core of saying my peace as possible.
47. When I was talking my notes into the tape recorder, I was pacing up and down, back and forth, in my kitchen. So, I think my pacing was also another way to process my nervous energy out of my mind and body. So I think that reduced my nervousness when I met with Wood.
48. Then, at some point during my tape recording, and maybe hearing it back, another thought came to my mind. Since I was in an open situation and mindset, it occurred to me, should we bring him flowers or candy, since he's in the hospital? Because that's what we do is bring people flowers and/or candy when we visit people in the hospital. And my mind went back and forth. I thought that doesn't make any sense given the context of who meeting and what he's done to my mother and I. And even though that thought persisted, it persisted with the other thought of visiting a person in general in a hospital and bringing him flowers and/or candy or something.
© And Going To Meet With Wood - On the Road
49. I remember standing in the parking lot of the Beloved Community Center with my mother and Bob. I think Joyce might have been there too. At one point, the videographer Sheila Whitley) was there. We might have been waiting for Sheila and/or Nelson.
50. I think I played the anxious and nervous son card. Because my nervous energy was bundled and scattered. I think my mother and I asked each other how we were doing.
51. I think I told my mother I was nervous but really wanted and needed to be at the meeting. I laughed nervously and said my thoughts are all over the place. I was thinking or wondering if we should bring him flowers or candy since he's in the hospital.
52. My mother and Bob laughed immediately and my mother said that's funny because I was thinking the same thing and Bob and I talked about it. So, I think it was in that moment when my mother and I agreed and she said, we'll stop and get flowers on the way. Or maybe she said we'll bring him flowers.
53. So, Nelson drove with my mother, the Sheila, and I in the car to Baptist hospital in Winston-Salem. I learned where we were going as Nelson talked about the directions for how where we were going and how we were going to get there, by roads and highways.
54. It didn't register then, but I'm so thankful for all of the moments that were taken care of for me. Because the more I had of those, the more I could spend focusing on my mental and emotional and spiritual aspects and I was that much further along in my healing journey.
55. As we drove on friendly Avenue, we approached a florist. I think my mother said that we wanted to get flowers. So she asked Nelson to stop at the florist as we approached the store.
56. My mother and I got out of the car and went inside. I was aware of different perspectives but my mother was the one who took action and made things happen, put in motion, as is the situation most, if not all of the times.
57. The florist might have come to the counter and said how can I help you? Or something like that.
My mother proceeded to look at different flowers and with an educated or aware words said something like I want to put together an arrangement. I don't remember if she asked what he recommended or not. The verbal exchange was fast and thoughtful on both ends. I could see actions of both my mother and the florist. My mother pointed to some flowers and said I'd like, and identified by name and amount. For example, some baby's breath, etc.
58. But while I could see actions I didn't know what was going through their minds. I'm guessing that the florist proceeded like any other requests as he put a bouquet together. But I remember thinking about the various perspectives, dynamics of this interaction. As it relates to time, people, places, relationships, justice, healing, learning, etc. But I assumed that he probably didn't know any of that, because why would he unless someone talked to him and/or he had other information. And I was very aware of some of the significance of the flower, bouquet exchange.
59. But I stood there thinking I wonder what my mother is thinking. I didn't know what she was thinking and feeling. And it was one of those things that I wanted to know, but didn't want to push her. Is it better for her and/or me to know or for her to not tell me. I don't know the answer. And there are so many factors and dynamics I think and feel maybe it's best if, and when we move where our spirits take us.
60. So my mother and I got back in the car and this time with the bouquet that my mother put together with the florist. I don't remember the placement but I think my mother held the bouquet on the ride or, at least put somewhere thoughtful.
61. So we're on our way to see Wood. Later I'd learn it was at Baptist hospital in Winston-Salem.
Wouldn't you like to know? Yes I Wood or I Did Not See That Coming
- 2 of 3 - Meeting at the Hospital
62. The best that I remember, was that Nelson dropped my mother and I off. Then, Nelson and the Sheila came in later. My mother and I found Wood's room and went inside. My mother took the lead as she knocked on his door. I don't remember if Wood's wife was in the room when we came in or not. I think she was but I'm not sure.
Either Wood or his wife said come in. My mother and wood had talked once or twice before our meeting today.
63. Different thoughts came to my mind when I saw Wood in his hospital bed at the same time. He was a patient in a hospital like any other one. But, I was also aware of the significance and surreal ness of the moment. Our lives had intersected before, on November 3rd under very different circumstances. While I continued to be extremely nervous, I think seeing a person and his humanity, helped to reduce some of my anxiety.
64. My mother gave Wood the flowers and we introduced ourselves. I don't know what my mother was thinking or feeling. The best I remember is that I was extremely nervous. But the more I talked with him and saw him, eased me more because it took some mystery away from me and clarified information that I can reference for my thoughts, feelings and actions.
65. After talking a few minutes, and I think seeing a medical person come in with Medicine and food (and/or) saying that it was time for lunch, Wood said that it was time for medicine and lunch.
66. At one point, my mother said that we wanted to video the conversation and asked him if that was ok with him. Wood agreed and said it was fine from him if we videoed the conversation.
67. So my mother and I negotiated and agreed with Wood to take care of his lunch and medicine and a time frame to come back to talk. I think we agreed on coming back in about 1/2 an hour.
68. So my mother and I found ourselves in the hallway, I'm thinking about 50 steps or so away from Wood's room. Or at least that's what it feels like now May 30th, 2017.
69. My mother and I had a thoughtful exchange. I was a little less nervous but still extremely anxious and/or nervous.
70. My mother and I stood in the hallway with some moments of silence and a little verbal exchange. I don't remember all of the details, but I think that we'd agreed that I'd talk to him first to say my peace because I felt a strong pull to get some answers that only he could provide. And my mother had talked with him once or twice before.
71. I feel like I remember that agreement of my talking first because I remember something my mother asked me. She asked me if she wanted her to go in with me or go in by myself. She said it was totally my call. I think I told her that I appreciated the options and I could see benefits and negatives to both.
72. So we weighed the pros and cons briefly of me going in by myself and her coming in with me. I think my mother said that if she goes with me, it might sidetrack the conversation to and with my mother and Wood. Which probably might be beneficial in some ways but would limit my conversation with Wood and getting some peace. So we agreed that I would go in and talk with him myself and then my mother would come in later.
73. At one point, my mother and I looked at the time and realized that Wood was probably finished with his lunch. So I went to Wood's room and asked if he was ready to talk. I don't remember if my mother walked with me to the door or not.
74. So, I knocked on the door and asked if Wood was finished with his lunch and ready to talk. He said something like yeah or sure. He was in his hospital bed and in a vulnerable state. Maybe a little disheveled, maybe hooked up to medicine, I don't remember. My initial impression when I met him was that he was just an older man in a hospital. He was heavy set, white/grey hair and physically sick. Just like any other patient in a hospital.
75. When we agreed to talk, I came in and looked for a place to sit down. As I saw his wheelchair next to and facing his bed, Wood and I agreed that I'd sit there in his wheelchair. The significance, meaning, insight of sitting in his wheelchair, would increase in my conscious the more I'd reflect with time and more journey.
76. Even though I was very nervous, I was very clear that I wanted to set the tone. I knew that I had certain things that I wanted and needed to say my peace. I think Wood was set back in his bed when I walked in and he sat up when I started talking. He also adjusted his hearing aid at the time. He explained the beeping of his hearing aid as it sounded and he adjusted it. At the time, it was an annoying sound. But now, it represents a sign of giving attention, respect, justice, and healing.
77. So for the first part, I referenced my notes and mostly talked while Wood seemed to listen. He interrupted me a few times but in a way that seem to show some interest and continued to listen because his interruptions were related to what I was saying. And I think both of us had so much to exchange.
78. Wood seemed to share reflections of his own journey and relevant to the conversation. I was present for some of the conversation, understood some and appreciated talking with him, observing, listening him talk with Nelson. And the various aspects of our Interactions of the people involved, my mother, Nelson, Wood, his wife, Sheila, and me. But I would continue to gain insight the more I would think about the conversations, interactions, reflect on them and see the video. I would find things more profound after the lived experience than during it. I think part of it was my mental and emotional states of being. And all of us have so much to process from November 3rd and other parts of our journeys.
79. Our conversation felt both natural or normal and surreal. I thought, look who I'm talking with. But in other ways it was just a normal conversation. Just two people talking. At one point, I heard a knock on the door and it was my mother who knocked and asked to come in.
80. I was definitely aware that Wood was sitting in front of me, his wife and my mother mother were standing in other parts of the room. and at one point, Nelson knocked on the door and came in. And Wood and I were in the middle of a conversation when Nelson came in. I didn't want to interrupt him and wanted to respond thoughtfully and honestly for both of our sakes. I was also aware that while it would have been nice to continue the conversation, I had a chance to say my peace, and Nelson probably had things that he wanted to say and hear. There's just so much. So we need to continue to have as much open space for all of us to say our peace as possible. And this was the best we could do given different factors.
81. So, I waited for a decent transition where I could get up and Nelson could talk with Wood. I think Nelson jumped in at a decent point. And although not perfect, Nelson jumped in the middle of when Wood was talking, or maybe finishing one thought but quickly jumping to the next. The way I remember was that Nelson jumped in and I immediately acknowledged Nelson, got up and Nelson Sat down in Wood's wheelchair.
82. The video can clarify some questions. As I was getting up, Wood asked me if I wanted to pray with him. I felt like it he was being sincere and had good intentions. But I asked him the reason for the praying. I told him that I was open to praying with him if it was for him. But didn't want to do it if it was for me. I think it felt like there was an aspect of control, even though I felt like he had good intentions. I told Wood that I have a strong spiritual reference.
83. Nelson came over to Wood's wheelchair and agreed to pray together and they did. So Wood and Nelson's exchange started with praying together and extended to a very deep, meaningful, and thoughtful conversation. I feel like there were some aspects that Nelson and I shared. But Nelson seemed to reflect some things that I either wasn't able to at all or in a different way.
84. At one point Nelson said that he had to go but he appreciated being able to talk with Wood for both of their sakes, perspectives. As we left, my mother talked with Wood's wife for a second. My mother said you can call me anytime to continue the conversation to Wood's wife. I don't know if either of them talked to each other after our meeting. But just that very very human moment just struck me. It was casual and sincere.
© And then there were some Reflections after the meeting.
85. It's interesting because it's not linear. While that experience and part of my journey has given me some insight, I still go back and forth between being able to communicate and engage clearly and having problems or challenges.
86. People might think that since I've had that experience, I can handle any interaction well in the future, given the context of that interaction. And I think that I was a little surprised after my meeting with Wood and other interactions. I don't think that I thought about it too much, but was surprised by some of the later interactions. But my communications aren't linear, better, and perfect.
87. But the combination of experiences gave me a chance to stop, think and reflect on my interaction with Wood and other experiences and situations. I got to compare what was similar, what was different, what was helpful, what got in the way, what was harmful, what elements, dynamics or factors were involved with all of those experiences and put them next to each other.
88. And I could go through a lot of interactions and experiences. But there are few that stand out to me. The first one that comes to mind was within maybe about a week or few weeks after talking to Wood. I was at the pharmacy picking up some medicine for my mother. And I don't remember all the details of that experience. But at one point there was a woman in front of me and I think I was trying to share some perspectives, translate and help reduce a conflict between what the pharmacist and customers were saying and doing. I think I was planning to validate everyone's perspectives from what I heard. For example, what I heard you saying was... And what I heard them saying was...
89. But just as I started talking and before I got out a few words, a woman put her hand up like a stop sign facing my mouth, motioned and said, something like stop talking. But she cut me off. And that infuriated me.
90. And my first thought was, what the hell? I just got done talking to Wood recently. Why can't I have a decent resolution here? And Now on May 29th, 2017 I reflect on my own communication that when people interrupt me sometimes it feels like a verbal Mack truck that's running over me. So interrupting and me don't get along. But the degree of frustration with that experience stayed with me which led to my reflecting on it and comparing to the conversation with Wood.
91. Those experiences next to each other got me to audit them. I reflected on them in basic aspects. I thought or wondered, what's different about those 2 experiences or situations?
92. And it occurred to me that even though Wood's impact created a lot more harm to me than the pharmacy customer, I had processed my thoughts and feelings. And even though there was a lot to process and I hadn't healed completely, I had been through many healing processes in amount and depth. And the experience with the customer had just happened and I hadn't processed my thoughts and feelings.
93. The 2nd experience that came to my mind was at a conference that Spoma and her class had put together. People came together to share some presentations supporting each other and the community. I shared a panel with about 3 other people. I reflected on my conversation with Wood, and explored all of our humanity referencing parts of the video.
94. At the end of the conference, spoma and the students gave out various Awards. They gave me a humanitarian award which was a certificate. Then they said they were planning to mail me a check that I would get soon.
95. I asked my mother if I could use her address to receive the check because at the time I had a conflicting relationship with my roommate. My current roommate was the only prospective roommate that I didn't talk to before living together so that we could get to know each other. Then we could identify and maybe resolve any possible conflicts and make sure that we had some shared understanding. But in this case, my previous roommate moved out and moved her mother in her place.
96. So my current roommate had some conflicts. The main one from my perspective came as a leftover from her daughter's requirement of paying to use the washer and dryer every time I used it like at a laundry mat. The daughter had paid for the washer and dryer. But that was the only time in all of my living situations that the owner of the machines had me pay for doing my laundry. And I agreed initially, but I felt like it became unfair over time. I was willing to come to a fair agreement between both of us. The way I figured is that we could factor my fair share of the value of the machines and settle up when we parted ways. Sometimes, it was the 2 of us and sometimes we shared the apartment with someone else. And I was willing to put down or use 1 lump sum of 1/3 or even 1/2 of the value of the machines and settle up when we part ways. Did my wear and tear on the machine merit an amount of money? Less than or more than I gave? I could get back, give more of an appropriate amount if I caused damage, or she keep what I gave and I don't get any back or give any. Because, I feel like I ended up pay about 2 or 3 times the value of the machines.
97. And I think the laundry machines just amplified my frustrations with other situations or experiences with my roommate. For example, she draped a towel over the dishes. There were 2 things about that that frustrated me. It's better to let dishes air dry. And seeing the dish towel like that I thought, what the hell? We're not burying the dishes. I think it tapped into some old feelings in which I hadn't healed and some of it might not have had to do with my housemate. But my interactions were triggers or restimulated older feelings.
98. And I was aware of the irony that I didn't want my humanitarian check sent to my current residence because of the conflicts. But that experience gave me another chance to reflect on and audit these interactions. I got to compare my relationships with Wood and my roommate.
99. On Thursday, January 26th, 2017, I went to a discussion at UNCG about Heather Thompson's book about the Attica uprising. There were about 6 to 8 people at the group discussion.
100. One of the things that I realized after leaving that group discussion was realizing and appreciating the fact that our meeting was in a larger community string and not prison. Because that would change the dynamic of our conversation and what we got from it. For example, there was more openness and flexibility in a hospital than a prison.
101. So overall, there are some things that I think we're helpful and worth referencing regarding my conversation with Wood. We might be able to transfer to other situations. So, I'm going share them here in no particular order.
Helpful Ideas in learning and/or healing
1. I was able to spend a lot of time processing my thoughts and feelings whatever they were, through counseling, writing, crying laughing hitting a punching bag yelling, reading relevant information etc. And learning that all feelings are valid but it's important how we express our feelings. The only wrong way to express our thoughts and feelings is if we hurt ourselves or someone else.
2. Going through November 3rd I have my own internal thoughts and feelings and observed ones around me and other ones too. I saw some people as Godlike and others as monsters and others did too.
At one point I realized that sometimes the same person was both a God, martyr, etc. or a monster, Etc depending on your perspective but by different people. So I realized that it just depends on your perspective
3. I learned The Human Side of human beings through re evaluation counseling and gained insight both in theory and practice through my own healing Journey.
4. I have something in me which connects with wanting to put the puzzle pieces together. and I think that we all have that to some extent while some of us might have it more I think it depends on how much those qualities, factors might be nurtured
5. There was a Truth and Reconciliation process at the community level. So everybody involved with putting the Truth and Reconciliation Commission together which included the Commissioners helps I think helped me and maybe would come with my mother, Nelson and maybe others to get to that point I've been able to have a conversation
6. Emily Mann - At one point I heard that there was going to be a Hollywood movie about November 3rd, which didn't end up happening But in that process Emily Mann who is a playwright was involved and she wrote a play. And then Marsha Paladin, a theatre teacher at UNCG performed a version of that play in which the students created.
And from what I remember, Nelson tells a story about mayor Carolyn Allen seeing the play at uncg, turning to Nelson and lifting up the idea about a Truth and Reconciliation process like the one in South Africa.
7. Ubuntu - I have come to believe in Ubuntu the more I live and reflect on a journey that I experience directly. Because, I am who I am because of who we all are because we're in relationship with each other. Everything and ever person are connected because of Ubuntu. So there were alot of things that brought Wood and I together. Some of which I'm aware of and some I'm not.
8. The various actions of others which brought us there which included the fact that Wood wasn't in a jail or prison affected the conversation. Emotions that people had like the fact that Nelson drove us there so I didn't even think about that much or at all, and my mother's openness and flexibility to have some things totally up to me and agree, to have it recorded. My mother people being available as needed. For example my mother just waiting in the hallway while I had my chance to talk to her and her clear absence made a difference in my ability to talk with and hear Wood more in the context of my relationship with him.
I didn't realize it as much at the time because I was so focused on the conversation but I think that the more that other people are able to check in with each other and focus and say what do you need, what do you need from me? And then people can respond to fill in the gaps as far as driving, talking to somebody, being out of the way.
Being absent physically, Etc because the more of those things are taken care of the more I can be In my space of learning and healing. But the more that I have to deal with things to take me outside of that the more I'm distracted by those things and that holds my learning and healing back.
Unless I can see things in context and how this particular thing is going to help with the process than I'll do whatever makes sense. But if it's harmful or distract the process or what I need, than I need to figure out another way to get that done.
9. The fact that both Wood and I were in a space and we wanted to talk and have a conversation to make it happen.
Because if only one of us were in that space, then the conversation would would have either not had happened or not have had as much impact. And also, the level of openness that would and I had related to the benefits of the conversation to both of us.
10. The aspect of flexibility and options was helpful in the process. For example, when I realize that I got stuck I would change at least one thing and keep doing what works. When I find something that worked, I kept doing it. And when I got stuck, I would change at least one thing and do that and keep doing what works. And if I got stuck again, I would change at least one thing and do things in those ways.
11. I remember leaving meeting with Wood at the hospital. My thinking was related to my upcoming internship. I remember appreciating the conversation with Wood. I had a fantasy that I could have similar conversations with other people who were Klan and Nazis on November 3rd. But I knew that those conversations probably wouldn't happen, let alone in the context of an internship. I saw older people in a hospital with whom I could have more conversations with. There might have been related moments after my meeting with Wood, buy not formal ones. But, I've been lucky to have had that conversation and have gotten alot of mileage from it so far and probably will in the future. And just like ripples in a pond brought my mother, Nelson, Wood, his wife and I together, reflecting on that conversation will continue to extend valuable ripples in a pond of restorative justice.