Written and edited - May 15th, 2017 - 4:48 pm to 5:16 pm
You Either Get Me To Love You, or You Fight for Revolution, But You Don't Do Both
I didn't get mad at Jim for at least 10 years I think. I think that I was in a space of appreciation and awe of Jim and the CWP 5.
I don't remember the details. But at some point, it occurred to me that not only I could get mad at Jim, but had to do that sometimes to honor my thoughts and feelings.
I think that it was in a healing space when I got permission to express my thoughts and feelings. And I know that my logic, rational, and understanding perspective tells me that it's not his fault. He didn't know what was going to happen. He didn't do anything wrong.
But emotionally, it helps me to express my thoughts and feelings verbally and physically. It helps me process and understand where I'm at better in this situation and others.
So, I just say what's on my mind and how it is on my mind. The more true I stay to my matching my thoughts and feelings, the more clear picture I get of where I am.
So, sometimes, I'll say something like the following outloud or to myself, "you either get me to love you or you fight for Revolution but you don't do both. Because then you get me to care about you and you get the easy part. You get killed and I have to live without you."
So, I know that I'm not really mad at Jim directly. But I have to honor my thoughts and feelings in order to try to heal an old hurt that's not completely healed. And I think that I was able to get to that place of processing from engaging in Re evaluation Counseling (RC) theories and sessions. And, I think that while RC played a significant role, I've been lucky to have had many other experiences that have helped me get here.